Need the strength to unclutter professional#
He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Hilary Valdez is a retiree living in Japan. “Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance” said psychology writer Andrew Solomon. But the actual sting of the loss starts to taper down after about a year. I don’t think there is ever closure when we lose someone we love. “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength,” Sigmund Freud said. Twelve hugs a day for growth,” according to Virginia Satir an author and therapist known as “mother of family therapy.” It can be a smile, a hello, a good morning, not necessarily a physical hug, but an act of kindness or compassion. Here are a few handy quotes: “We need four hugs a day for survival. But, in reality we are all basically “C” students in the game of life. Ask yourself: What are you willing to do? What don’t you want to do? What are you not doing? What do you want to see happen? What is your biggest fear? What are you telling yourself? What do you need most? What would make you happy? The list goes on. I love “What?” questions because they get to the point. The important critical point here is to conduct a fearless inventory of yourself. What is going through your head all day? What are you thinking? You must fight back! Fight yourself and minimize mental obstacles that keep you from being in an emotional straight-jacket. This is a natural way to get exercise and keep your body moving. If that’s you, then stop saying negative things about yourself. Now, if you have low self-esteem or a poor self-concept, believing in yourself can be a problem. The first goal in becoming mentally stronger is to believe in yourself. Yet fear keeps us stuck in a position of inaction. There’s a balance between fear and common sense. For example, parachuting out of a perfectly good airplane, or bungee-jumping. And, after I did, I became more confident. I’ve tested myself in different ways to overcome my fears. Strength comes from behaving in ways that you previously thought you couldn’t. Being decisive and making positive decisions helps in avoiding being stuck in a psychological ditch. Like a gyroscope tilting back and forth until we find our psychological equilibrium or roadmap: this takes core strength and a firm belief in one’s ability to recover from a setback. Yet, a positive mindset is essential for re-centering ourselves. Our well-being is temporarily shattered, anger and grief has entered and taken over our comfort zone.
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Conducting group therapy sessions, I observed that people always ask, “Why?” or “Why did this happen?” But “Why?” is difficult to answer. Bouncing back requires hope in that insight can replace grief, and meaning can replace sadness. All humans are tested in life, life challenges us. When trauma ambushes us, if we can find a purpose, this cultivates our life force and helps strengthen and motivate us to manage difficult moments in life. Losing a loved one can crush a person’s heart and will to live.
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Yet, in moments of despair, courage, authenticity, and strength leaks out of a person’s core character, like a psychological appendage.
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I often retreated into myself and dwelled in the darkness of my sadness. But where does this inner core of strength come from? During the past few years of COVID-19, I lost my sister, several cousins, and some close friends. Strength, that was the life force that incited a troubled soul with the will to carry on. Beneath the tears and sighs, a silent strength stirred within a ruptured soul. Through the years as a Trauma Specialist, I have witnessed many people grieving and experiencing deep sorrow after a traumatic loss of a loved one. Sadness and grief are basic human emotions.